clock shows 12:20 am in the midnight, 27 degree Celsius temperature. im having some serious conversations with some voices murmuring through the unsettling utterance in my head. talking on and on and on. fervor all mixed up like a beautiful proportioned cooked meal, like color puzzled match-toys. i had found the worse visual rather than looking at death itself. im now enjoying my everyday milk as always but now like staring as if there were tonnes of ladybugs inside my glass. stirring yet revolting. i saw a page full of pains and tenderness sore. it was a consequences for bad-intentions doing. i was planning to look through someone's page but ended up seeing her natter or talk with another person. every now and then i kept thinking why does all this shoddier bustle is happening on me. maybe because god is proving to me the high and low altitude of life. god have been treating me like the supposed intense care a sick patient would've get from a nurturing doctor. so well,that it has placed me in complete confusion. mystification. guiding me to the way of life. the right way of life. im very sorry toward my wrong doing to you lil girl. im sorry for the last song i sang to you during our ceremonial day together. i hardly forgets you especially when you were on my head all the time. far how i worked so hard, hard till my tachycardia anxiety attacks me again, trying so hard to put you away from my life. how you have been influenced my life. how you have been the biggest part of my life. bigger than my family themselves. i should take all the blames, it was all my fault. but please. falling in love wasn't just Romeo & Juliet to me anymore. it was more than priceless artworks an artist would create. more magical than that. more than wonders of the world. how i missed your laughter that filled my stomach like starch and protein fill my day just like carbs to carry on my day with energy. you light my soul. im all dim and dark now. initially or internally im indescribably impaired but externally i have to go through days without smile were meant to show on the right time. i was smiling when people were sad and happens the other way around when people were happy. you make me fall in love. i hated how i conceived both of us still together as friends, although limitations always come across first before anything else.
i know im not good enough for you. but believe me, im always deeply sorry for what i have done to you. putting you in position where you were separated chose neither good way nor better way. im tumbling down. running out matches to light on my soul with count-down candle.
I've done my performances to you.
I deserve a standing ovation from you. only you.