This is my happy face when I'm in the studio!
Is it me or my room at home is full of ants, ants are everywhere, it keeps on coming, crawling up to my legs. fuck this shit. Ok random.
Hi guys, it's been like a few days now since I'm back home in Sabah for our mid-sem break. So far, my day couldn't get any better when I'm around with my family. They made me smile in whatever things they're doing.
And now is the third day I'm here, I think, and it's almost midnight, and I'm thinking a lot of things during midnight when I can't go to sleep. And one of them is about my study.
Let me specifically explain to you guys why exactly am I not happy in what I'm doing now. I gave myself a descent few weeks to grow my interest in what I'm doing now. It's failing. I started to force myself to like this course after my duration of giving this course a chance had passed. It's failing. The lecturers are killing me, they called themselves as USA's grads and use the USA's ways of teaching but they got all mixed up between the local ways of teaching with the thinking of the Western people. And they ended up being so strict, that they're not even sure in what they're doing to us. It's failing. Nothing I did before was something that I expected like getting those straight A's in studio until I knew I have it at the back of my hand, I started to down grade again. Fuck!
To add my misery, the Architecture studio is just next door. I have no problem with the students, they're great. It's just that, almost most of the time when I wanna go to MY studio and passed by their studio, it's so heart-broking knowing that I'm not using their studio. I, surprisingly, still wants to be in Architecture. Of all this minutes, hours, days, weeks of studying in my course, still don't give me anything. Although they said, my course and Architecture would have some resemblance but FUCK, nothing similar between these course.
Yes I'm writing an essay, so fuck off If you don't wanna read it.
And now, I'm thinking to change university. Yes, drastic measurement. I can't think up of anything else, I might just kill the risk by going for a shot in a new place. But it still in the midst of air though, don't jump off the conclusion. I haven't decide. What I'm sure now is, I wanna be in Architecture. And it kills me already to be in UM and can only see my friends do their assignments when I can do so much better. No offense.
My heart isn't for this planning course. AT ALL. NO KIDDING. I'm so depress that I've reached that limit where I think, I would be happier if I dont pursue my degree now. But yeah, that's crazy. All I'm saying is, I. Dont. Want. To. Be. In. Planning.