And I don't ever want to go home again

stocks from my goodbyes

University Malaya, KL

boulevard oh delilah. i have yet going to go through for another separation and severance with my most loved ones. my family. my friends. im leaving my hometown just in counted days to come. soon im about to step out to the real world, taking a step frontward as i will pursue my dreams in my study. i will be ongoing and enduring my educational part of my life to University Malaya, Kuala Lumpur. i barely felt excited or anything closer everytime i've said those words all in a sentence. By that means in Major of Architecture course there. everyone had long gone drowned with this big agenda but im telling about my random updates in my life now. im not sure either architecture is what im dreaming of. im not sure either this is what i wanted to do in my life. i ever once prepared an answer just in case if somewhat people would asked me about what is my ambition or anything cliche things like that. i ever dreamed on being a human race attorney in local law firm anywhere in malaysia. or not my recent new found obsession in mathematics, numbers, linears, equations have gave me an idea in being anywhere closer in the field like accountant or mathematicians. but i guess everything is all planned up already right.

on the good side of what i got is that im taking a course from a combination of two of my significance interest. art and maths. doesnt get any gnarliest than that. but thank god for giving me such opportunity, it's everything like i planned on my life blueprint. thanks to my beautiful parents that supported me like a very good enhancement tights that comforted our privates. hilarious. next my absolute downpour gratitude goes to my gorgeous family that has never been less than annoying to me. my spectacular friends that i could not list based on how bizillion uncounted amount of them. to anyone and everyone that knew me. thanks. wish me a good luck in there.

=)

different venture in different world

although things are different in every ways. giving hard time on being to build up verdicts and last-calls. eventually ended up standing at the same spot where you left all exertion that was there on the first place. if you don't comprehend or understand what is the world means to you. then look through it with me and see how i look and see how the world means a whole lot to me. my lights were totally different. sometimes it gives me spirit, sometimes it tends to kick my ass to the pits of wreckage and desolation. but life isn't left to be defined because life is just another word for human existence to realize the circles of dark and bright holes breathed-perfect-organed creature god created,which is us. by all meaning, life is just another path for us to go through and have all memories bring along with us as our only precious treasures. life is meant to be walked on for us to give back what god had gave us. all the questions that always left being issued and questioned. full of perplexity and overtiredness. so think again.

freshmint

clock shows 12:20 am in the midnight, 27 degree Celsius temperature. im having some serious conversations with some voices murmuring through the unsettling utterance in my head. talking on and on and on. fervor all mixed up like a beautiful proportioned cooked meal, like color puzzled match-toys. i had found the worse visual rather than looking at death itself. im now enjoying my everyday milk as always but now like staring as if there were tonnes of ladybugs inside my glass. stirring yet revolting. i saw a page full of pains and tenderness sore. it was a consequences for bad-intentions doing. i was planning to look through someone's page but ended up seeing her natter or talk with another person. every now and then i kept thinking why does all this shoddier bustle is happening on me. maybe because god is proving to me the high and low altitude of life. god have been treating me like the supposed intense care a sick patient would've get from a nurturing doctor. so well,that it has placed me in complete confusion. mystification. guiding me to the way of life. the right way of life. im very sorry toward my wrong doing to you lil girl. im sorry for the last song i sang to you during our ceremonial day together. i hardly forgets you especially when you were on my head all the time. far how i worked so hard, hard till my tachycardia anxiety attacks me again, trying so hard to put you away from my life. how you have been influenced my life. how you have been the biggest part of my life. bigger than my family themselves. i should take all the blames, it was all my fault. but please. falling in love wasn't just Romeo & Juliet to me anymore. it was more than priceless artworks an artist would create. more magical than that. more than wonders of the world. how i missed your laughter that filled my stomach like starch and protein fill my day just like carbs to carry on my day with energy. you light my soul. im all dim and dark now. initially or internally im indescribably impaired but externally i have to go through days without smile were meant to show on the right time. i was smiling when people were sad and happens the other way around when people were happy. you make me fall in love. i hated how i conceived both of us still together as friends, although limitations always come across first before anything else.

i know im not good enough for you. but believe me, im always deeply sorry for what i have done to you. putting you in position where you were separated chose neither good way nor better way. im tumbling down. running out matches to light on my soul with count-down candle.

I've done my performances to you.
I deserve a standing ovation from you. only you.

credit to hellsley

zhen bang!xie xie leyley

sunflower seeds for dinner and sunshine for breakfast

well its another post from photography outing with hellsley and the original old folk, vivien :) having blast time than before because got to learned more stuffs. but forlornly, i didnt get the chance to have my photoshop editor because ley misdiagnosed the software for me. it was in spanish, great. i wonder,how is the condition would've been after raining could be more interesting right. this is another reason that kept me from going to kl soon, it wouldn't be everyday amazing anymore to capture noteworthy shots. we all got our desired snaps last night, pretty wicked. either it was me was too fatigue last night or we've caught wonderful photos when we were in the tunnel. it was ghostlike. a phantom experience i never aspired to recapture. but not until my battery pack was running out of energy i stopped taking shots afterward. more photos will be uploaded but in altered posts. however enjoy.

edited

vivien hellsley

faves of the night

drop dead saliva

there was one evening mom came back from work and as you might expect, mommy always brought goodies from workplace. at first i wasn't surprise about what's on her hand but i saw a plastic swinging full of covered and boxed food. it wasn't much of a food, more like cakes. lots of them. no actually only three. then i quickly take every cake there were in the plastic and immediately i tried it and there is no other perfect time compared during that time because i was ravenous, famished, hungry, starrrvvinnggg. god oh lord, how amazing could it be that i just died with all of this savoriness of scrumptious delectable spongy cakes, it took me nearly to heaven when it first laid on my tasted bud. so i told mom that it taste like 5-star and mom glad im happy with it. recently I've found new obsession on food. real food or junkies, doesn't matter. like there was once in a mamak restaurant around lintas, I ate mee goreng mamak and tasted my sister's nasi briyani ayam goreng. staggeringly I actually finished everything. I've found my inner canibal in me. alas, it is just that i got hungry so fast yet full so fast as well. unfair. anyways, I'm off to more food-hunting.

x

bee is for bokeh

look it danced

p a r a d i g m

this is my wishes. i have kept some sentiments in myself, holding for a long time that it plainly aching inside me. at first it is just ridiculous to even take a moment thinking about this but really its kinda inspirational. more or less, i think i grew up now. iv grown to a better person i guess. a different better person. i just could give some gratified thanks to few people that have been trying to ruined and screw my life off. really, this couldn't get anymore weirder and eerie. i know that it is not just me but in fact everyone has their one someones that hated or envious to us. i think this proportion of persons really one of the reasons why i can developed or changed.

although this is already absurd clunt things im talking about is pretty displeasing but iv always wanted to spilled this out. in some ways. any ways. im a man, i have no fear. more importantly, i have no one that i could marque as my adversary or enemy. or either i dont know any of them. but if its not because of these spiteful, little did i know they've helped me to prove to them and the world that i shouldn't be relinquish to myself and my life. worst thing is, i think i have no reason to think about this because i really proved them that i am better. so to anyone that is "inlove" detestation me or otherwise, think again you disgust the wrong person.

morph immature

downhill dunhill

yet its another night of satisfactory and contentment. haven't heard of such wide fucking boredom nocturnal techniques of taking such breath-taking photographs could be this really chilling goosebumps reaction. feels like finally a volcano erupt with its gorgeous and dazzling lava volcanic emission. iv heard of new ways to upgrade, to reinventing my photography skills. i thought it was only some click of buttons in the editor would create conspicuous snaps, but no. i know it seems so out of season about photo-taking madness trend have been passed over last inclination but it doesn't work that way. this is almost like orgasm in the backseat. it is magical.

one thing i learn of course its not easy to take complex and multifarious shots let alone taking just simple-one-subject shot. i want more outing. more experiments. more trialling. it was inadequate. though iv attempted the new ways called,bokeh but still perceptibly im not good enough to take memorable moment shots. ley asked me to chill but its not the same sensation when you cant solve a linear equation but you still can work more on it, this is like, you hafta proficient in this in order to take your desired photographs. but more outing would help.

faves

hey, sold sister

so the other day of the weekend was just another wack day filled with boredom and tedious activities. was empty with plans so just went out with families. i feel so pity to my sister because she just totally left her bank empty with jizzles because she bought a car. see how she looked like when she have nothing to lose anymore, like someone literally desperate for foods haha.. joking.. congratulations for the new car sis!

adios!

latest

Asalamualaikum semua
. .
x

short-term memories

Have you ever dreamt about reaching a rainbow's end? Have you ever feel how cool it is to know that heaven knows our existence. It is hard when you have an anxiety in you that literally unexplainable and unutterable to understands. It's hard because I have it in me now, I cant be with someone so long and having precious time together without loving that person. When I started to stare at your eyes on how would it blinked every seconds or your lips moving uttering those beautiful meaning of the words you're saying, and If i kept convincing myself that I am not fallen in love with that person, means I actually took a step forward in terms of how i felt to that person.

But..

How torturous, agonizing and excruciating would it be when you can only tell these to yourself without that person knowing the real thing going on in you. It's like you want to scream from the bottom of your pie hole and shout that person's name how much you love them. Because that person doesn't have the same feeling that you have toward them.

It's like taking all actions all over again or analogous with the state of putting yourself in high schools again but you are actually already graduated. It's so beautiful and mesmerizing to say in words how deeply you're into that person but the only person that can hear that is only yourself.

I have no doubt I'm in this achingly throbbing situation. I'm into someone but I cant figured out thoughts from myself to articulate it in sensationally numbing words.

This is to you..

I have hundreds of questions in me but probably only few or a couple can only be answered.

I can say that when I'm thinking about someone else and have the moments for myself, I will think more profound about that person. That's when I will started to have subdivided chapters in the episodes and considering and imagining about how would us be in good or bad certainty of circumstances. It is when I will go to each tunnel of assessment and started to analysis you in thorough details. How I would be sad and agony with you and vice versa. I'm going to smile for myself when I started to think about happy things about/that I have with you. It's so blissful even to only put it in silence distracting utterance.

I don't know the meaning of suffers when you're beside me. I don't understand the sentence of "endless outpouring love" when you're in front of me. I feel like I can envisage and visualize myself in a mall filled with amazing shopping stores but at the end of the place would have an oceanfront view that just put the icing on the luscious, delectable, mouth-watering cake. I can work on my system for hours and hours in the day when I'm with you because I was full with curiosity about your whole adventurous life stories. As bad as it sounds, I will laughs to all your impractical offensive jokes just because I know It would makes you happy. I don't know what is the meaning of cares when I'm with you.

YOU COMPLETE MY PUZZLE

I'm sorry because you can't help me in this situation.

But here goes for another heart-rending and poignant separation.

I love you

x

fresh new stop

last Saturday night was a night with an experienced of just a fucking holy of shit-gruesome-ness would skilled. i had a freaking blast with ma girls. went out to upperstar as always. trying more new stuffs. more pop of smoke. both of these chicks are my totally new addictions. we left some of the drinks for the next outs & abouts. finally im tasting "real" drinks. i didnt bring along my slr cz it was at night so i more preferably not to risk it with fucking a pilfer. i took some photoshots with camera phone, so sorry. total explosion!

long island iced tea yuck

soon will be changing my url to --> http://urbanlacquer.blogspot.com/