another reasons

here goes for another reason to kept me away from the wearisome and mind-numbing tome that i have to study. it is been an indistinctly vague weeks and more nebulous days i'm going through here. seconds just turned into hours, hours turned into days, and now days are skipping it ways all the way to weeks that i can literally let my jaw dropped over the ever so prompting and rapid time it's been. weekdays been such a torment for me especially i have to walk all the way to go to the lecture halls. despite all my money spent out almost to bullshits that i have to endow on, each edges on my body is screaming loudly asking for help and needing a good nice break for them to be well functioned again. i am also predominantly have sensing im loosing my ability to write and to eloquent and lucid my ever so fluent ideas and over-flowing words that always bursts into small tiny particle that bring nearly lively sensation on it. this is not happening.

what now became my recent predicament here isn't make sense at all. i feel like im under high pressure like let yourself be autoclaved with unutterable force of pressure. you feel like total freedom is coming to your way and it just turn out to be a major tussle between you and your goal being here. you can almost do anything with everything you want here. i feel like im in total hassle because im not in under high pressure of my study. taking all odds to put this puzzles in its places and i would rationally say this maybe because it still too early to feel the pressure of studying here. either because my course is slightly different than other of the majority students here or maybe because its me being all too melodramatic with no reasonable basis to worry with.

i need something to stimulate my brain.

i desperately need something to keep me away from this "distraction" when there were really nothing actually.

i cant penetrate my drive to be more focus with my original aspiration being here at the first place.

i cant bear losing something that used to be my "everything" anymore. my over-tiredness and my laziness are way too absurd to fling that it actually been blending itself with my daily random activity in that day. x