KLIA (f*king) express

screammmmm everybody! yes, the day is finally here! im in the airport (current location), alone of course, just had to go through a really rough day started with a cab that back out on me and the rain that basically makes me wet and now i've fell sick! fuck! what a way to start my day! and also i am all safe in the airport now having cafe latte in Cafe Barlera, whatever you called it, a good substitute coffee shop instead of Coffee Bean, and having my choco roll, yummy! i actually finished it before i even start to post this cs the wifi in the airport SUCKS. anyhoo, just that! im bored and sleepy, blame the weather that rain on me, shit! my camera's not with me now, sucks even more, so i guess the next time i'll update this blog, im going to be home already, Insyallah ehe. ok bye

8

so basically the Hols are starting already!

i have no other better title except for that, so for dear readers sorry for making all my posts very clunt and boring cs of that, blame my sugar rush to type the content of the title instead of thinking about the title itself, god whatever im rambling now. anyways, today has been the happiest day compared to any day i am/was here because of these few things :

first, my class has finally ended for now to allow the holiday kicks in its wicked balls.

second, we as in me,ac,amal,mai and oney was planning about having a trip after we finished our exam, literally right after exam to where? PULAU TIOMANNNNNNNNNNNN. fuck yeah we're awesome! all the rough planning and thoughts are still under brainstorms, so we need to come up each with our own proposal to present it to each other about it, to have you know, official plan about it. YEAH IM FUCKING EXCITED!

third, what a coincidence! third, damn, 3 has to be my fave number now, my THIRRDDD assignment for basic design basically got an A, not that i want to boast or anything but i am HAPPPYYYY AND RELIEVEEEDD abt it cs i finally got an A for something and they really liked it, i drew an Indian woman and we gotta do all the relief techniques and whatever, i'll post the picture of the painting later and they liked my presentation, the lecturers liked how my Eng was nice and fluent.

fourth, we had our little last reunion before holiday in Wendy's just now although Ac and Mai couldn't make it, they had their time up pretty fast here so it was only left me,Oney (and her bf) and Amal.

all in all, i had a blast closuring day before i had my own holiday. i have been working on plans and whatever to fill up this coming AWESOME hols, so can't wait to do it! so later! :)

Noob

*

hi guys, i know, it's been like what, a day since the last time i posted in my blog. i know Noob! i can't do anything else except either checking my blog or updating it, Noober! since now i have reactivated my fb, nothing says a fresh new start so im gona be fully distracted by that thing all over again, or won't I? i found myself a lil bit too drown in the facebook wave so i've decided to put my profile private so that people can't get me through in anyway even though they still have all my status to comment on,Noob but ain't that Rocket science?! har har. perhaps im sober now with fb. damn i'm pathetic.

it has been one freaking a-hole day doing nothing at all, just yammering to myself in my room all alone without any accompany,Fuck! and eating by myself, i've been like a loner for quite sometimes now so i guess i shouldn't do that or whatever. im not thinking about anything now! gosh my life's so complicated!

oh i do actually, about home. im a few more days left before flying back home. im freakin excited since i can forget about the shit im dealing here whatsoever for a little while. 1o days without kl somehow relieved my over drive senses, i don't even know what that means. i can't bear myself without losing my sanity here, i've been fucking stoke in kl! in this shitty place we call University! i hate all the works given by our lecturers, i hate all the assignments, giving me headache continuously! god i hate studying all and all! but i guess nobody can understand me with that right!

fuck it!

i am thinking of vlogging, you know that new thing where people update their life in youtube by uploading their personal funny videos they've recorded themselves, no? i know its not new so thats why im about to call myself a fucking Noob again. anyways, yeah thinking of doing that. but i don't have any good quality cameras to record my video, well im gona try at least do one video i promise! haha. i really need to see myself just out there spilling about my shitty life even though nobody wants to hear it except for myself.

& yeah thats pretty much it, i can't believe i did more than 20 posts within this month alone. that means im fucking bored with my life but i should think about people in Africa more and take my words back!

oh and im hungry now but not anymore after listening to 500 Days of Summer soundtracks i've downloaded, i've watched the movie (had a lil movie marathon last night) and New York, I Love You, god the movie is sweeettttttt. as in both ways,sweeeeeettttt!! i have few other movies left to be watch so i'm full! haha. so i guess i'll catch up later aligators. x

say homies!

i am distant by a few more days of Holiday

despite having this loads of shit burden on my shoulder up until now, exams are stil not finish by the end of this weekdays. i've received numerous of calls and IM's from my friends basically asking me when am i coming home, I'll be flying exactly on this Sunday guys, and be staying for approximately 10 days back home. i've purposely extended the days so that i wont be losing any valuable times at Sabah, just for the fun of it. this post has really no direction whatsoever haha.

let us talk about exams, today is Wednesday, making it the third day of exam out four day which is the last day is tomorrow. yay! first day was Phy&Chem 2 Paper and Macroeconomics, nothing surprised me with the questions except the awkward moment i got,the first time i've laid my eyes on the first question in each paper. bummer! and second day was ruined by Stats&Probability.

so far i really have nothing much to say about it, yeah been pretty difficult to answer it well but whatever, that's just how i felt throughout all the exams here. doesn't give a damn! either A's or likewise,i'll stil be feeling neutral about the exams.

and like most pathetic weeks i have consumed in my life throughout the 2nd sem, this week have no exception BS and there's class on Sat. major bummer! cannot ask for anymore miseries than this, i've been having alot less talk than i could imagine cs my head isn't around anymore,been keeping thinking of home and at another point i've become obsessed of going home.i can't wait to meet tv,families,home-made cooks,MY ONE AND ONLY BED,friends, nothing but sweet mother fugger Reunion. til now, bye!

as we age

so i hate myself when i am awake and caused by none other than another stupid sleepless attempt-insomiac attack again. but this time is different. today i had spent yet another day with my sister, we were finishing where we have left before when she was around and Eja did an appointment with me again today with Yazid to walk around town. nothing fancy, just food, us, some fever and car fuels. besides that, the only thing that kept bothering me is my family. bothering me in a good way.

as i tried to sleep after the day trails off to an end, i re-captured the blissful moments when i was with my family. from that moment, i really shouldn't be even trying to sleep cs whenever i think of them, i'l either smile or cry (of happiness). but this time i cried. i miss them so badly, this anticipation of going back home is wildy alluring toward my senses and making my brain stop functioning well.

then again i remembered my preggar sister, Diwi whom is a few more months away before welcoming a brand new 3rd generation of our family. then, i have magically seen the faces of my parents. filled with ease, relieved and somewhat happy and just not any words can become a comparison.

then, i was thinking, how can time passes by so fast. the last thing i remembered when i was a little kid, running around under my dad's pants, pushing my neighbour's shoulder one another, taking bath together outside of the house, and now i am looking down to my dad, talking as if i am a genetically grown human being compared to my dad. i hate to see bad surprises coming out from my parents faces, that is wrinkles. i am at my happiest to see laugh lines grows like mushroom plant instead.

everytime i go back and finally able to see them and hold their head on my palm gives me such awakening experience on how i should take life more meaningful. i love my parents uncomparably as how much i love all my siblings are. they are basically my life, take one of them away, and you'll see me dying, literally.

im not even sure, why suddenly the matter of family appeared in my head but it has gave me an impact on how i should learn more and appreciate more on basically everything. when i rolled myself to see me doing this all, i was hoping to have a gun by my side and burst my brain out from it, i don't come here just to please whoever i think i should, i come here to please them, my families, to help them, my families. as much ignorance or whatever you call it i have put to the worthless life i've gave here, i am still somehow fragile inside and optimistic within.

i wish for a truthful wake up call would wake me up from this uneasy disturbance so that i could keep that in my mind, keep my family in my mind, all the time.

living in a thousand days of solitude

i want a pure, honest, strong support. like the snow flake. like the silver crumble.

today in chemistry class

i was just so depressed of myself, thinking why am i so incomprehensible. i can't cope anything just in a snap of seconds, or maybe i am just unnaturally dyslexic. i refuse to learn, my heart is closed. hypothetically. please God, show me the way. the better way to study and get things more clearer. and faster. i want this thing to end so badly. come on, i want this to end. i will somehow, keep on trying to not humiliate myself. i will.

Please, please please, let me get what I want

Coffee Bean's hot drink straw looks like an infinity or number 8. wow
solitude

luminosity

and those are snapshots of my second Basic Design assignment. we have to do a plane structural form, and mine is like that. i'm glad Prof. liked it. smile.

*

She & Him

so my sister is in town for several weeks attending her work course, i'm happy for you dear to get a job for yourself in a place that's full with money! i regretted for her limitation of moment in time with me on the day we've met, because she's living in Serdang so she have to go back before twilight. but still,Midvalley has eventually filled our content and happy moments together. i am dearly missing our family already! x

okay i can't come up with a title

so i am about to sleep because the clock shows 0211 am in the morning, i should be sleeping, or it'll be impossible to get up for class tomorrow. talk about class, can you believe the fact that we have class tomorrow?! well, not that in my concern about it cs i pratically don't give a fuck about it, cs what's the point of whining anyway? and in fact, Saturday class isn't bad at all. (i was lying)

anyhow, i promised too many things already, i've mentioned something about posting a list on what i wana do after i've finished my foundation year but i still haven't done it yet, so before i am about to promise anything else, i want to deal with this one first.

to be quite frank,i haven't decide on what shall i be doing during the long break, perhaps only a few stuffs i am planning to do besides eat,sleep,and tv, GOD I MISS TV namely, attending Art class to my previous art teacher, or probably making some paintings (?) or getta part time job because i'm trying to save up some money to get my teeth a braces. wouldn't it be fun!

i know right, that's maybe alot to juggle, i guess i just have to see how things will go later. so whatever, my aim now is to get a full 4.00 for this sem. why am i jumping topics,i dont even know why, seesh. it'll be hard but im sure nothing is impossible. haha, weeeiiirrdd. because Architecture is not an easy course, or i'll be ended dumped in other faculties. so i better swot up those books and start studying! later. ok, im insane

blame my pen

i was doodling in my sketchbook, illustrated some (for me) cool images,shapes,patterns etc and i suddenly started to do a pen-made tattoos, was just experimenting. i mean,if only i can make tattoos, this will probably be some designs i am interested with. the birds and the equal symbol. dearly meaningful in my taste. it was very roughly drawn on my skin but still, looks good for me. ehe.

Messenger in Disguise

photos are taken in different type of occasions and taken by me, ofcourse. enjoy.

x

individualistic, idiosyncratic

so hello everybody, sorry for my ever-so-dearth and absence in my blog, i've been having a handful of tutorial works and courseworks, nothing but only appear to exterminate each valuable seconds finishing the endless tasks given, namely Basic Design assignments, the absolute intricate and hard-to-understand class of Art, every week i am learning about new techniques on how to approach yourself with several expression of visual arts etc. dont even let me start with my tutorial works, very very busy. that's why i have been away for almost a week or so now.

anyway, i'm here gladly would like to flag about good news i've received quite sometime days ago about my muet result. i had finally witnessed the scores i got, so every questions sorta answered why i got lower band in it.

it's because of my Reading paper, i didn't even achieved more than half of the score, that's why. but the rest of the paper, i executed quite well, in my opinion. such as my writing paper, i got 50+/90, and my listening 39/48, and speaking 35+/45, generally,i am only 1 score away from getting band 4. and i could've imagine if i get 90 for reading like Ac did, i already have band 5 at hand.

but regardless that the issue had already past and happened, atleast now i am relieved that i am not actually a modest user. perhaps only more of a less fortunate in answering multiple choices, too bad. wish i could be aware of it before but drop it now!

so, i have only a week or so to study for my 2nd sem midterm exam. i am quite butterflied about it cs now i know how the "game is actually played". so i am prepared, physically, and partially for mentally. let's just hope for the best.

and it's raining now, so cold and breezy. my room cannot be anymore colder than now. listening to Grouper, Juana Molina, Coldplay, Emilie Simon, 1 Ghost's songs are the best thing can ever happen to me in such nice weather.

let me sleep in with all the illuminate nimbleness and hopeful to refresh my mind and my body, ready to procrastinate no more and come with inspiration overflow.

but

what u kol dis special entry? i just rojak only wattt

okayla aku pun malas mau ckp english suma, lagipun bukan selalu aku perlu ckp english kan, bila ada mood ja. and by the way aku guna melayu yang aku biasala k bukan melayu kl, aku pun bukan org kl mau kononya ckp bhs dorang.

**

anyways, dia jadi rojak sikit bila aku tulis panjang2 nanti, so kepada siapa profesor/pakar/taik/etc english suma tu, makanla kasut aku kalau kamu nda suka bahasa rojak aku, pergi mampus! kalau nda paham juga (?) pergilah anda mampus atau mati, secara literal okay. baku sudah tu, klo stil mcm blur2. mmg muka mcm taiklah kau tu!

so dilema atau sakit hati apa seja kau mau panggil pasal result muet memang habislah sudah,nda kan aku mau emo-emo memanjang kan pasal muet ja, agak ah tp still aku mcm nda ble lupa lah psl benda alah tu. bukan apa tapi aku pun bukan mau ckp apa, kira kena trained la ba juga oleh bapa mama ckp orang putih diruma kan, skali tinguk dapat juga rendah, nda juga rendah la, ada juga org terer ak dengar sendiri dia bilang, dia dpt band 3.

tapi benda paling sweet aku pernah dengar pasal muet result ni dari mulut Mariah Bt Othman, ex tutorial mate AB3. bukan sweet apa jgn salah paham ah tp dia bilanglah, approach aku, and cakap mcm ni..

Mariah : fendi,kenapa u dpt band 3?

aku : hah? mana u tau? (alamak malu bodoh org tau,tapi cover2 la kan). hahh hehe,ntah la.bukan rezeki kot.

Mariah : i pun mcm heran why u get band 3. cam its u man!

aku : u dpt berapa?

Mariah : i dapat band 3 juga (muka sedih tak ble blah)

aku : (memang tekejut pun ok) what? seriously? omaigud, u. i tak caya la.

Mariah : u lagilah i tak caya dpt band 3! i mean,u lg terer kot. apa yg u mistake..

aku : ntah lah,mmg english i rendah kot. i mean, its sorta all clear now kan,ckp bagus mcmana pun tp klo muet xiktiraf, kau mmg bodoh la rsanya.

ok so on and so forth, ak rsa legalah yg bukan sorang ja mengharap ak dpt band tinggi. ak bsyukur ada kwn2 sabah ak yg appreciate tenaga usaha ak setenga mati mau ckp eng,try jd bagus tu, adala juga.. untuk seseorang tu,bakal amik muet dis year. chillax. u'll do better kiddo! tambah2 klo ko bagi ak nasihat dlm english, mmg A la ak bagi. tbaik bahasa kau. so jgnlah heran klo ko dpt band 6 ok? syg kau!

anyways, tu ja la ak mau ckp. teda pa2 lagi mau difikirkan.

ohya, aku ada jugalah makan. even though abit forced haha. serius teda selera.

untuk sekarang ni, mmg bodoh sial babi shit smua, ak rindu rumah! kawan2 kat sabah! mmg lepas asasi, berabis la aku beronggeng sama dorang nnt. klo insyallah,masuk UM balik nx year dlm architecture. bagusla. kalau building surveyor, mmg pindah la ak. so apa2 pun korang sumeeeeeeeeeeeeee, jage diri awak begus2 yehhhhhh (attempt ak mau tulis melayu kl)
bye x

the only thing that i am thinking now is..

I WANT TO PEE!

(sorry for the on going,non-stop entry updates people, i mean, since i've stopped using fb [temporarily], my life's been pretty empty,i have to say. fb does became part of my daily routine so i am trying to ignore this ever-so-alluring temptation to re-activate my acc, i will probably wont do it anytime soon, up untill i feel like i had enough of vigilance about it and i am controlled to myself with it. for now, lets' look at the bright side, i will post more pictures from the folders for you dear readers alright! :)

and i have prepared an unofficial list about what i am going to do with my long-break after i am finish my foundation year! so later with more updates -.-

8

imagine if you asks someone a question and all you get is..

whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever

how do you feel now//

meanwhile in class,etc

no tears please, no tears

h a p p y b i r t h d a y m a i s a r a h

wings

because if you're happy in your head

sucksee

8

let's talk about girlfriend

well, when was the last time i had a girlfriend? it was several months ago when i was with Anis. and how do i think about having a relationship? hm she makes it easy for the both of us so i didn't felt like having any at all, that's the beauty of our relationship, it was very light and heavy and the same time, is that possible? i was wondering about this issue, i mean, i can say almost all my friends now are having a relationship or at least a problem in their relationship. the previous string i had definitely thought me tonnes of lessons besides watch out for cheaters! but i guess i have to say that, somewhere behind my mind or shall i say, heart? is thinking about repeating those lovey dovey moment with my significant other. i think lah. but so far i can't recall any girl that i can be "in love" with. but if you say, crushes counts then i have alot of them. i may not be born entirely to be a player in future, and by thinking it now makes me wonder why do you wana be a player? but whatever the reason is, pass that. anyways, i agree with the fact that i am alone here, considering nobody here can ever understands what i'm going through my rough times, i can still remember, how great my life would be if all my friends back in high school would still be here. but no, that'll stay just as "what if" statement. i should move on! or someone at least push me so that i can move on my life. i feel like there's something stucked somewhere in between,making my life now, so hard to analyze. haih.

xy

so in conclusion, i was hoping that i had a really bad dream last night regarding to my muet result, but no, it was reality. i know i've reacted towards the news in a quite dramatic way, but i guess not everybody can understands everybody. even my mom,sorry mom. i didn't had any sleep last night. at all. started after i knew about the result came out and checked mine, and there goes it. im not in reality anymore. was completely awake up until now. dreaming. more of a day-dreaming, but it's in the night, so we call it night-dreaming? whatever.

although, after so much of intense pressure i've received from the result as i have mentioned earlier, someone still managed to kept me away from killing myself. someone still manage to kept me smiling. eventhough for only couple of minutes on the phone. but i'm still injured, my left hand was a bit burned by something. hm.

i have decided to deactivate my facebook acc, on purpose. for the better i guess? i mean, we all have to admit that it took almost all day for us to facebook-ing if we sum up all the total hours we've logged in to our fb acc. i guess i gotta be more real. i've seen so many adverts that tries so bad to kill this ever-so-outnumbering-social-network, so i should support it as i only be a partial part of the supportive people to stop facebook from be part of our culture.

i skipped class today, of course, but i had no sleep, of course? i guess i still can't go out and face the people that will asked me,what did i get for my muet result, or it will be another bummer day for me. about eating? i'll probably go eat or something later. alone. i like being alone for this type of moment. i know i will recover anytime soon as i always does, i mean im not an emo person to stay emo that long, so i gotta get back to normal and shape myself to be a better man! hopefully by then, i'm still alive. after all, today isn't really much of a busy day with classes. only lecture for Macro and computer lab, we don't have our chemistry experiment today, so yeay!

i would like to apologise to anyone that i have ignored last night, nothing in particular, many miscalls and IMs, i've received from numerous of friends including my families to cheer me up. basically only asking me,"why you?:/" or "chillax". it really does help guys,"thanks."

i can't really call myself entirely an idiotic because i know the boundaries of being a sad person.i won't commit a suicide, let's hope. but i still can't believe about it though. i'm actually surprised that i got band 3. i was aiming to get atleast band 4, but band 3 is like failing to me since english is my favourite language compared to malay. but i hope this is a huge slap on the face god gave me to wake up or something. so let's start a new fresh. ehe. :)

x

god why don't you just kill me and take my soul? why would you want me to have high hopes on myself and didn't even notice me that no matter how hard i try, how far i've walked, i will still give an average performance! kenapa perlu beri aku bakat tapi masih di takat sederhana! tidakkah aku pernah cuba! i'm in no condition to question your power but i am dying by my own self-confidence. you are absolutely incredible that you've created a being that filled with life lessons and mistakes, no chances for me to taste a tiny bit of your decency. i am sorry ma and pa, band 3 isn't high enough for me and yes, i did said that the exam was pretty easy. untuk semua kakak aku yang dapat band 3 dulu, aku bersyukur tapi aku bukan macam kamu!

let me sleep for 24 hours now, i am thanking god if it's not human hours. terima kasih kepada diri aku yang bukan sahaja mendapat keputusan sem 1,3.02 tapi nampaknya, kau pilih untuk jadi sederhana dalam segalanya!

tipulah diri kau sendiri dengan berasa gembira dengan rakan kau yang mengatasi kau, sedarlah diri kau yang kau bukan seperti kau sangkakan. kau naif. kau bodoh. kau lembap. what's next in your i-want-to-be-a-failure plan besides achiving what you want which is failing? i may not be hearing myself now but i have put myself in a plan where all my life arrangement are well in order, but not anymore. it is everywhere else. handicapped. bye, x.

yet for another night

tonight, i have stopped my system from working as it seemingly has an inevitable process, i was hit by a huge,miraculous thoughts that have made me thinking. i'm overseeing the past few days ago, rather feeling like an empty egg shell, waiting to be crack and giving an entirety of emptiness to the world. my bones were as awkward as the breezing wind tonight, brushing through my hairs. my torso was aching so bad, i thought there will be a mortal being popped out from it as i tried to breath in and out like an extraordinary wander of passionate love.

8

i'm looking thoroughly towards how far have i walked through the journey of life. how i have made such an implausible memories and growing with pains and blissful adventures developing like a total up of tiny little succesful cloths. but i am still confused, 18 years now have really becoming like a glass filled with yellow milk, so good, so full, so creamy, it's a perfect sex.

Urban Spit

and so there goes a year of fun and fuqery of awesomeness! never get the chance to write about "ouh what have I already done to my life throughout last year" or "lists of my achievement around year of 2010" but i will definitely find a time for it aha. Henceforth, I would just like to make it simple and light as i have already done it in the previous post with the HNY title. well, i hope those few lines of sentences of mine for New Year's closuring speech could give you a good impression about how i would do to my life in times to come with the new year, which is no difference. heh.

just for the news, guess what?! I've bought the portrait lens that i've always wanted and dreamt of (not to mention the only lens that i can afford) ah die die! thank god for my strong instinct said that i should check up on the price in The Garden,Midvalley since so far i've checked that KLCC offered the best price. although, just $1 apart from each of the places, i've grabbed it in The Garden instead which cost me blank-blank-blank. enough with the 50mm 0.45mm/1.5ft, my baby has got a brand new eyes! therefore, brand new ways of taking my photographs! i like experimenting!

anyways, someone has gladly gave me a tiny murderous surprise. it was Ac that made all the Origami pieces and have put it in my lens box. how sweet! and i've took the photos with my new baby eyes! yes,now i can call it babeyes! haha.

bye! :)