if

if Snoop Dogg produces good music,

if Pharell William produces good shoes,

if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt produces good life towards orphans,

if Oprah Winfrey produces flattering surprises toward blessed souls,

if Paul the Octopus produces true-ish future stories,

if Harvard Universities produces intellegence freaks,

if Miley Cyrus produces bad music,

if Shane Dawson produces parodies towards celebrities,

if M&M produces good chocolate,

if Lindsay Lohan produces more tabloid stories than her real life stories herself,

if Pamela Anderson have bigger boobs than a normal female have,

if Kimora Lee Simmons got married more black guys than any other female celebrities,

if Mark Zuckerberg produces facebook,

if Tiger Wood produces more infidelities cases more than one can ever had in his/her life,

if Victoria Beckham can have more Louis Vuitton bags more than any other celebrities,

if Paris Hilton produces bad porn movies,

if Naomi Campbell produces more swagger vibrations than any other models,

if Tyra Banks produces models in a tv show,

if Barrack Obama produces more world peace treaties towards presidents around the world,

well then i should, produce something to change the world. something. hm. something(?)

girl, you make me speechless

if only you can see how i see the world in my view. it is such an utter uproarious place, where everybody is kissing everybody's ass. like human centipede. but funnier and dumber

abit of my self-portraits

menyesal masuk alam bina

i have already tried. and i partially failed myself. not to mentioned my consciosness by the fact that im not happy to what im taking right now which is so-called pre-Architecture.

i want to take fine art. but i blew my chance after forwarding myself towards dad's opinion. so now, im stucked with this bs course.

i have opinion. and lots of them. so stfu if you dont comprehend with it.

i got into UM. was happy. but not anymore.

my first semester result was already out, it was rather expected than disappointing. got a longer session 101 between me and the Academic instructor or whatever, than i thought. letting me know to sit infront in lecture class and be more attentive. what?

i've mentioned before that im a slow learner, but once i get it, i get it good.

im disappointed to myself. im humiliating my parents name. wasting their money. procrastinating my works or this is just a normal situation one would face after a culture shock?

i hate chemistry tutorial class, not the lecturer but by the fact that i will go out after class is over and get nothing. im disappointed.

i like english. i got in touch with my linguistic side. which finally, revealed my truest want. i want to write. no science. just writing. i have regretted taking my course now. im a failure that will get some "helpful" advices sooner from my friends.

i hate it when i know that i cant understand a single thing that these genius-freaks would understood.

i've been walked over. or maybe im just quite of a thinker.

stop typing.. i will go on further about other bs.

//

no offense but im offended

this post is inspired by my everyday life and my flaws:

1.i know that im not a cute guy that you can die over

2.i know that im not rich

3.i know that i have no enough money to bring you people around

4.i know that i have been such a bad influence to you people

5.i know that im not smart nor intelligent

6.i know that im not from a private school and can flaunt you people by some non-gorven place where cool and everyone-that-speaks-good-english-from

7.i know that my life hasnt really filled with full-time prayers

8.i know that i dont pray alot

9.i know that i have more flaws than you do

10.i know that when it comes to me, you people can discriminate easier because i am somewhat looked easily bullied

11.i know that i have no life time experience around the world

12.i know that im from University Malaya and im not happy with it, im apart with my families

13.i know that i cant write proper English, of all i know, everytime i showed my piece of writing to people, there must be errors, somehow, they will find any if they didnt see any

14.i know that im a slow toddler when it comes about academic, i wont and will not understand the first time you people thought me something

15.i know that im not good enough to you people

16.i know that im not famous

17.i know that im undersized, underweight, some people like to point that out

18.i know that i have no A+ in my SPM but i knew that my parents are proud of me with it

19.i know that my families have many flaws and imperfections, somehow that makes us happy

20.i know that you see me looked like im insecure about myself, but im not, its you that is insecure about yourself

21.i know that i dont have an iphone nor an ipod

22.i know that i have not own my own car, yet

23.i know that im not in some private college/university that somewhat makes you people think that she's/he's cool to be in it

24.i know that im unattractive by your second look

25.i know that my opinions are all rubbish, im not from your former school

26.i know that i cried when it comes something sad from my parents or just some sad stories

27.i know that im annoying, loud and obnoxious but you people started to complain why the hell am i shut off silence all the sudden

28.i know that i talked about people as people always talk about me too

29.i know that i swirled my eyes alot to people, but thats only because im afraid to look at you, you wont say hai to me

30.i know that i wont be part of your gang because im skinny and not cool enough

31.i know that i am invisible in the eye of my Art lecturers

32.i know that i have quarter of talent when it comes about art, i can draw but by my observation, as much as i try harder, my drawings wont be "innovative or creative" enough to you cocksuckers

33.i know that my parents doesnt own Mercedes car

34.i know that my house isnt a bungalow, its just a one story terrace house, but im happy to be living in it with all my families trying to stuff in as well

35.i know that i always said that Malay people is always lazy but im Malay

36.i know that im half-chinese thus Malay people tend to avoid from befriending with me

37.i know that i will only be closed to you for a few days or weeks and you will forget about me as you already have you good life awaits you

36.i know that im tall and skinny, not muscular and have a deep-monotonous-voice just like any other guys

37.i know that i spoke english regularly than any other guys

38.i know that i dont party alot

39.i know that iv fallen in love only twice in my life, which only towards my families(including my parents) and a girl named..

40.i know that iv been thinking about things at my surroundings alot

41.i know that i procrastinate alot

42.i know that i have a strong self-conscious about my surroundings

43.i know that im just your added friends in you fb friends list

44.i know that im not from Science class before therefore i shouldnt be remembered

45.i know that i doesnt make sense when i talked because im annoying

46.i know that my answers for anything will never be useful compared to other people

47.i know that iv always been biased by people

48.i know that i dont say hai to you when i bumped on you but doesnt mean i dont reckon that you're there

49.i know that i havent fucked a girl, yet

50.i know that i always did a sexually explicit remarks or jokes

51.i know that im not good enough to be your best friend

**

but what i know is that im still alive and waiting a long time to be dead, and i have a loving family members and im from Sabah and not some other state that you recognized with and i have a soul that i can only share by myself and myself only. i know that i pour LOVE to people but they doesnt realized that.

**

i know that im not good enough.

i know that im not good enough.

feeling rather enthused or inspired which placed me inbetween your folded brain

india is no fucking fable. foods that talked with stunning,beautiful language. offering you with only .1percent oxygen breathing space. it isn't a pothole

I'll fake as a hero, I'll fake it good

"Christmas Stolen"

(pictures was taken when me and syafiq went out to Section 14,weeks ago)

*

Wednesday,15th Dec 2010 - today has been a very idle and barren day. started with a morning excitement, thinking that our 1st semester result would come out but eventually became part of our waiting-activity. then the day continued by lunch that i didn't even had. the two hour classes ended slower than i thought, second period was Chemistry after Statistics & Probability and after it was finished, as fast as a torpedo bullet, i (almost-like) ran out from the Lecture Class to get some clean,fresh air. relieved feeling after i got out. as if a fish got into the water. the only thing that stucked by then was both of my earphones that i haven't plugged off yet. the syllabus, went swayed away from both of my eardrums. songs kept on shuffling to its last playlist of the folder. stay still with my fluctuations emotions. i kept silent throughout the day. i bought some kuehs and a 100+, kuehs went such a waste. the still-full drink that i only got a few slurps with, finally i gave to Oney.

the world seems to face against me today. not to mention the life as well. the only achievement i got for myself was a complete surreal sketch i did during the lecture. after that,nothing seems to work the way i wanted.

decided to go check upon the Admin office, still, answer was disapointing. even worst, we have to wait until other streams get their full result, for us to get ours. FUCK YOU. been cursing alot since then, only scenery view i had was, my shoes and the ground. i walked straight into my room, thanked god that nobody was around to interrupt my poignent moment.

didn't even realize the fact that i left others behind once i got into my room, AC called, asked me either i wanted to join them to eat, i said no. my emotions seems to arrived to its peak. i am now officially depressed, for no reason. changed my attire to an utter non-casual one, knowing that i wont continue my day, hearing a single class filled with only cunt and dreary lecture about what's not and what's what. again, FUCK YOU.

my mood was subsquently crammed by uncertain feelings. thought a quick nap can cheer me up. another failure. after my an hour or so sleep, i woke up, feeling rather a friggin loser or such. my tummy curved into a convex shaped together with growling sounds that almost sounded like a tiger/lion roar. iv ordered pizza. a Spaghetti Chicken Meatball, Mushroom soup and garlic bread to be exact. ate it till the last piece of the food dust. still, not statisfied with my ever-so-large appetite. doesn't matter. got myself a brief and stingingly cold shower after that, to rinsed through every bits of my un-well state today. then happy when i knew i got the times to update my blog. that sounds very cheezy. i would rather say as doing my regular things.

clicking sounds of the keyboard kept me alive, the more clicking, the more electrifying. day hasn't got off yet. haven't ended. so still, im waiting for it to kill me with the pointy minutes-swords to fill my day with. hoping, for something that will makes me smile, laughs. bye

it was up until..

thought it was going to be a regular boring lacklustre Sunday, up until i saw this outside from my room balcony. a pungent and overpowering smell came out of nowhere and as i turned myself to go back into my room and closed the door, my room had quarterly filled with this eerie poisonous and lethal gases. it was the mosquito sprays that they irregularly did on such a sudden case.

few minutes later, my used-to-be dusty and only filled with empty clear atmosphere inside my room, now had morphed to its indubitably and irrefutably, gaseous greyish state that not only makes me feel dizzy with its disturbing smell but also the sound, the buzzing machine sounds that came both to my ears, and i think it came from each annoying,perky angles from downstairs. breathed inside my shirt as i tried to stay animated, my effort only put me in a place where i fell in such a suffocating air. my throat was filled with tiny little molecular particles, scratches and finally teared down inch by inch of my inside skin.

yet then, it was closed to a torturous 30 minutes developed to a wandrous and phenomenal moments. i was then, passed out again. drowned into such dreams. imagination. after i woke up again, thought everything was surreal. hit me by a joyous laughter. and then went downstairs and ate with my friends. and the air, came to its original,fresh context.

"we gotta rush back home, so we went to the zoo"

after days killed by loads of bullshits and paperworks, it has came to the day we've all been waiting for, which is a day-off. it was Awal Muharam last tuesday so we've all gotten a public holiday for it! since we barely went out with Mai, she came up with the idea of going to Taman Melawati to check out the artshops there. after all, it is holiday so sadly most of the shops are closed except the car workshops petshop etc. and delievered to her brilliant mind, Mai asked us to go to the zoo. was excited to heard that since the only thing we got from Tmn Melawati was nothing, we decided to have a small walk till we reached to a cab and we did. therefore, cab drove us all the way from Taman Melawati to the National Zoo which was nearby. day went out great, got the chance to meet up the "relatives" and all. pictures are taken where ever we go, whenever we go. we only have to paid $60, cool since it wasnt out of my budget. and AC did a sketch of my-so-called stork birds haha. and ate a little snack from the stall, hadnt got a proper lunch that time but doesnt matter. everything was worth being hungry of. and before it was dark, we already got ourselves back to college. and spent the night, i think, with sleeping cz of the tiredness. so enjoy!

she was from Venus

why, hello again dear spacious electronic page that makes my life written and verbalized with words, now that i have mentioned, beautiful words. thats quite an introduction hey. so lets cut the chase off. i did a sketch. pretty obvious considering with the picture below. hm i did a sketch of a girl named Samantha Natasha Miles. a friend, a charmer. http://wordsofsamanthamiles.blogspot.com / i know i know, you all can see that but i still insist to tell you people that she is Samantha. did it because i thought her face complexion was so beautiful that i think it might be NO challange of doing so but yes, iv gone through some rough minutes, rubbing, no i mean, erasing (sounds a little pervet-ish) here and there, left to right. getting every single parts of her face positionized well enough as possible as i can to make it as much as HERSERLF. so i do agree to a point that the sketch i have made was, lets say.. 70% accuracy in terms of similarity with her face, so i tried my best to make it looked like her, dont be rough on the comments people hehe.

seriously, i shouldnt placed this image right below the sketch because you might see the obvious differences between both of the images. anyhow, enjoy!